Express your feelings and needs effectively. Your spouse doesn’t have clairvoyant powers. If you want something, ask. If something is wrong, say so. Don’t drop hints or figure they’ll “come around” or you’ll never get anything done. If you want to be able to express how you feel, you should be able to speak with a positive tone and to listen to what your spouse says instead of being accusatory. Here are some ways to do it:
Send “I messages.” Instead of accusing them of not meeting your needs, focus the conversation on yourself. For instance, tell them, “I feel ignored when I don’t see you until 6:30 every night.”
Listen to what they say. When they tell you something, repeat what they said back to them so that they know you understand. For example, “I hear you saying that you’re worried about finances, and that’s why you’ve been working late.”
Avoid passing judgment. Let them finish what they’re saying before you respond. After they’re done talking, offer a solution. For instance, say, “I’m willing to live on a tighter budget if that means that I get to see you more often.”
Pick your battles. Some issues are worth fighting about, and some aren’t. If you spend all of your time nitpicking your spouse about minor problems that don’t really matter, then they’re not going to listen to you when major issues come up.
Criticism can destroy a relationship. As long as the dishes are clean and unbroken, for instance, don’t nag your spouse about how to load the dishwasher “the right way.” Let them do things their own way. Don’t sweat the small stuff.
Avoid criticizing your spouse without doing it constructively. Remember to try to be calm and rational, as strong emotions can easily turn a discussion into an argument. If you criticize every little thing they do, then they will quickly tune you out.
You should praise your spouse for the things they do right much more than you argue with them about things that they do wrong. This will make them much more likely to listen to you, and much happier to be around you.
Be understanding when you discuss an issue with your spouse. Fight right. Don’t let anger take over because it may cause you to say things that you will regret later. Even when you don’t agree with your spouse, you need to respect their opinion and their viewpoint. To be a good wife, you need to understand that you may never agree on certain issues. No couple has an identical set of morals and beliefs, which means that both of you will need to learn to cope with occasions where you just can’t resolve your opinions.
Talk to them at the right time. Don’t just spring your problems on them whenever. Avoid bringing up problems before dinner, while they’re paying bills or when they’re immersed in a stressful situation, like fixing a problem with your car. And never, ever start an argument in front of your children.
When you’re wrong, admit it. You need to learn to respond to arguments and remain rational so you can recognize and apologize when you’ve made a misstep
Talk to your spouse, not about them. Never talk to your friends or your family and say negative things about your spouse if you’re not communicating with them first. Talking about your spouse behind their back is disloyal. When you get married, your first loyalty is to your partner, not to your birth family or your social group.
Complaining about your spouse to your friends and family will not only not solve any of your problems, but it will also make them view your relationship in a more negative light.
Your friends and family may think they know what’s best for you, but they don’t know your relationship as well as you do and may unintentionally give you bad advice.
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